Posted by De Brown Streak on April 25, 2001 at 20:10:18:
De Brown Streak zooms into the Higgingbottom Talent Casting Agency. DBS: “Hi! I’m looking for a girl.” The bored lady behind the desk: “A lot of guys make this mistake. We’re the casting agency. The escort agency’s next door.” DBS: “No! no! I need to hire an actress for a role.” The bored lady shrugs. “Fill out these forms and…” Before she can finish the sentence De Brown Streak has done the forms. The bored lady looks at them. “Huh? What the hell is this? You want an actress to play your sister?” DBS: “Look, if there are actresses out there good enough to fool Peter Parker that they’re his aunt, you’ve got to have one that could be my sister for a while.” “Why the heck do you want an actress to play your sister?” “Because I don’t have a sister.” The bored lady begins to have a headache. “Then how can this actress pretend to be her?” DBS sees that this is going nowhere. “OK, look. I’m De Brown Streak, right? Outlaw mutant speedster, right? But I get no public recognition at all. No guest shots. Zip. That’s why I need a sister.” “I don’t see how getting a sister is going to help, Mr – Mr Streak! “She gets to wear the red swimsuit and I have to be protective about her. It’s a classic winning combination. And then we might find out that we have a cool supervillain father, although preferably not the Hooded Hood since that would make me related to spiffy. Then we join a band of mutant terrorists, reform, join the Lair Legion, and get huge stipends. Hopefully at some point I also get to score with a cute Abhuman chick.” The lady at the talent agency shakes her head. “Mr Streak…” “Please, you can call me Brown.” “Mr Streak, you can not just hire a sister.” DBS frowns. “Is this a black thing?” “No, Mr Streak. It is not a black thing, even though you are apparently looking for…” (checks form) “…a raven-haired Caucasian gypsy wench with the ability to do exotic dances.” “Then it’s a mutant thing! This is mutant prejudice!” “Mr Streak! It isn’t prejudice. It’s just that you… cannot… hire… a… sister!” “Cousin?” “No!” “Boy, your agency sucks! I’m going to hit that escort service you mentioned. I bet they can find me a girl in a tight-fitting bodice outfit without underwear who’ll call me brother!” DBS zooms off. Bored lady behind desk. “The world is full of morons. Where the heck is he going to find somebody who would make him an ideal pretend sister? Stupid man! Huh, wassat? No Ms Shepherdson we do not have anything for you again today. Go home.” THE END